


Confessional

by loveoftheimpossible (orphan_account)



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Character Death, I'm really sorry for this, Orphaned Work - Freeform, Overdosing, Suicide, emotional stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-27
Updated: 2013-10-27
Packaged: 2017-12-30 15:47:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/loveoftheimpossible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Charlie dies, Mac is left all alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessional

During the service, Mac sat next to Mrs. Kelly, holding her hand as she wailed.  The turnout had been small, so everyone was able to say a little something; Dennis spoke for both Dee and himself, since his sister was far too emotional to speak for herself as they clung close together; Uncle Jack made everyone a little too uncomfortable with his recount of years earlier; Frank talked about sharing an apartment for the last few years with the little guy, and how empty the bed would be without him; Mrs.Kelly admitted that she forgot to flip a set of lights three times the night before and blamed herself before throwing herself on top of the coffin, shouting not to take her baby away for a solid ten minutes before the priest and Dennis had managed to pry her off and walk her back to her seat; even the Waitress, despite the fact that she was stalked for what seemed like ages, still had a few kind things to say.

When it came to Mac, he felt his throat close up and his stomach clench, so he played a video of all the good memories he and his best friend over the years.  When it was over, he said a short prayer and that he would miss him for the rest of his life.

Afterwards, Mac, Dennis, Dee, and Frank carefully lowered the coffin into the ground; as it sunk out of sight, Mac felt like a part of him was gone forever.

 

~ * ~

The bar had been closed since they day they got the news, that Charlie was found dead in the alley outside his apartment covered in his own vomit from a mixture of Frank’s unknown prescription drugs and warm beer, and they weren’t scheduled to reopen for at least a few weeks.  In the meantime, Dennis was with a new girl every night, Dee was at home watching shitty rom-coms to try to cheer herself up, and Frank was on the hunt for a new roommate to fill the bed, leaving Mac all alone.

Every morning, he would stop by Mrs. Kelly’s house and bring food for her, since her compulsive habits had gone into overdrive and she didn’t have much time for anything else.  After breakfast with her, Mac would kiss her on the cheek goodbye and spend most of the day at the church down the street, praying until his knees were sore.  He softly talked to Charlie in between prayers, telling him about how breakfast had gone, how much the gang missed him, how he was hurt that he was still on earth while his best friend for like ever got to chill in heaven without him.

In the afternoon, he would take a break from praying to go to confession.  Mac would only cry behind the closed door of the confessional booth, with an old priest listening as he admitted that he had been madly in love with Charlie since they were kids and couldn’t live without him, and he’d sniffle when the same priest gave him the same prayers to say to repent for his sins.

After seven o’clock mass, Mac would stop by at Mrs. Kelly’s house once more, making sure she had eaten before going back to his and Dennis’ apartment, unable to sleep while Dennis fucked some girl for most of the night; by the time Dennis had stopped, Mac was too awake to sleep, opting to spend the rest of his night looking through a scrapbook Charlie had made in high school for him one Christmas.

In the morning, he’d rinse and repeat, just going through the motions and faking smiles to people on the street.

 

~ * ~

'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been one day since my last confession.'

'Tell me your sins, my child.'

'I've been thinking about killing myself.'

 

~ * ~

Mac didn’t return when the bar reopened.  Dee understood, and Dennis began looking for two replacements instead of just one.  As soon as Mac left, Frank began tossing ideas around about what to call Charlie work now.

 

~ * ~

Everyone knew Mac was wasting away.  He was living off of burnt buttered toast and almost no sleep, and the constant praying left him no time to go to the gym.  On his way home from church, Mac would purposely try to get into fights with muggers and other shady characters, hoping they would kill him so he wouldn’t have to do it himself; the worst injury he received was a bruise to the ego when an old woman stuck a five dollar bill into the pocket of Charlie’s jacket that he liked to wear now that his friend was gone - he didn’t even mind the sleeves.

 

~ * ~

It was Christmas morning, the first one without Charlie.  Dennis had planned out a party to celebrate the holidays and offered Mac a ride, but he declined, saying he’d meet up with them at the bar later on.  As soon as Dennis had left, Mac carefully placed a stack of letters on the coffee table and pulled on Charlie’s jacket before heading outside.

A little while later, Mac found himself by the train tracks, scooping up rocks in his shaking hands.  After doing this every Christmas for as long as he could remember, he knew the train schedule by heart, and had planned everything out - the train that passed at 7:30 he would throw rocks at, as always, but the eight o’clock train would be a new experience entirely.

Between trains, Mac prayed softly, a worn rosary around his neck as he said Hail Mary once again.  By 7:59, he could see the train in the distance, billowing smoke as snowflakes began to fall.  He wasn’t nervous.

He stepped out on the tracks, closed his eyes, and thought of Charlie.

 

~ * ~

_Hey Charlie_

_I miss you so much, man._

_It feels like someone smashed my heart into little tiny bits, too tiny to glue back together._

_I couldn’t take being this far away from you, so I figured I should probably join you._

_I threw rocks at the train today, like we always did together._

_I never told you, but I love you._

_I always have, you know._

_I’ll see you in a little bit._

_Yours Forever, Mac_

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on tumblr [here](http://mckinleyofficial.tumblr.com/post/65208418096/oh-no-sad-stuff-under-the-cut-more-during-the)
> 
>  _[EDIT 7/6/16]_ Why are y'all so sad love yourselves
> 
>  _[EDIT 11/17/16]_ I honestly hate this fic (it was the first one I ever put up on here and it's just really badly written) but y'all seem to like it for some reason, so instead of deleting it I'm just going to be orphaning it. It's been fun but I'm tired of constantly getting notifications from this depressing fic. Love yourselves.


End file.
